


Because of You (SnK x Tokyo Ghoul)

by iwaois



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan, Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Ghoul!Jean, M/M, im a sucker for jearmin haha, jeanmarco is only mentioned, kinda fluffy?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-08
Updated: 2015-04-08
Packaged: 2018-03-21 21:12:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,629
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3704951
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iwaois/pseuds/iwaois
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jean is a ghoul, and hating every second of it. Set in the SnK universe, no TG characters.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Because of You (SnK x Tokyo Ghoul)

**Author's Note:**

> Posting this from another site, and yes, obviously I don't own the characters or the universe; because if I did, Armin would get more credit and nobody would hurt anyone anymore. Eh. Guess that wouldn't sell.

Jean wiped his bloody jaw with an old napkin. The body beneath him still had recognizable bits of military uniform underneath the layer of thick blood. It was a particularly delicious one, he thought as his eyes shifted from black and red back to their regular golden colour. He didn't really like killing. Humanity had enough problems with the Titans, they didn't need a ghoul after them too. But Jean didn't want to die. Not that he hasn't thought of sacrificing himself for a greater cause, just...he could never really bring himself to do it. For his victims he usually picked those who nobody will miss. Because Jean was a killer, but he wasn't a home wrecker. Orphans, widows, loners...he had to feed. He felt guilty, saw their faces at night. Sometimes imagined himself eating Marco, or Annie, or Armin. He couldn't bare those thoughts. He knew he was a monster, and he hated it.   
Masking himself up for the humans was pretty easy. Everyone believed a cocky Trost boy who just wanted to live comfortably. He even faked a crush on Mikasa, so it wouldn't be suspicious. She was the kind of girl anyone would fall for. But things changed. He got attached. Marco was the first human he actually had feelings for. It was just brotherly friendship, but it was more than he had ever had with a human. Then Marco died. And he felt grief-for loosing a /human/. How messed up can this world get?   
For a while he was empty. He joined the survey corps, he killed Titans, he ate. And ate. It made him feel good. Good because it hurt so much. Every time he sneaked up on a victim, all he saw was the fear Marco had in his eyes when that monster ate him. All he saw when he saw a corpse was Marco's remains spit out carelessly. Jean at least cared enough to digest his victims, while the Titans just spit them out. It disgusted him. Day by day, he was falling in depression, not talking to anyone. Then it was time for the mission outdoors, and his world changed in a flash of blonde hair and blue eyes and sweet laughter.   
Armin really grew on him. Jean never paid the blonde a second thought at trainee days. But he was easy to talk to, and he had his opinions and beliefs and he was always there. Jean never told him his nature, though. He never told anyone. Armin said he understood. Oh, how he wished he really did. He started sneaking in Jean's dreams, and for the first time it wasn't nightmares. Only in his dreams Armin had red eyes and /really/ understood.   
The moment he heard the gunshot in that street was the moment he started thinking about telling Armin. Everything. No lies, no cover ups. When that military police woman was after him, he knew he was done. He could kill her, but exposing his kagune would blow his cover, forever. They'd hunt him down. But in a split of a second, the tables turned and that woman was the dead one, and Armin's eyes were wide and teary and his hands were shaking. I have to tell him now, Jean thought. He deserved to know he just killed for a monster.

It was in an alley. It was always in an alley. Behind the main house of the Survey corps Headquarters, Jean invited Armin for a midnight stroll. The blonde wasn't surprised, these walks were quite often. Both found just walking in silence in the dark next to the other oddly soothing. Armin's expression was calm, relaxed, everything but what it should be: afraid. After they were out of earshot, Jean stopped. He put an arm to the other's shoulder, pressing him gently against the wall. Armin still wasn't afraid. Why would he be? He trusted Jean. They were friends. The brunette suddenly had second thoughts. Maybe things were okay as they were, maybe Armin didn't need to k-   
But he did. So Jean started talking.   
"Armin.. " the name came out as a shaky, needy breath. He was nervous.  
"I called you here tonight to tell you how much you mean to me. You're special. You're worthy of everyone's awe. And we're a team. Being in a team means complete and unconditional trust. I trust you not only with my life, but yours as well. You're much more than just another soldier to me. You're everything I care for." Blue eyes were teary, but a happy smile shined on his lips. There was also a faint pink on the usually pale cheeks. "Jean kept going. All or nothing now. "I love you, but that's not important. That's not it. I'm a- " He cut himself off, his own eyes tearing up. His chest ached, and being this close to Armin was making him shiver. And not in a bad way. "A ghoul."  
Blue eyes shot wide, full of fear, sadness, betrayal. He slid out of the space he had between Jean and the wall, trying to make a quick escape. Jean caught his hand, pleading. "I would never hurt you! I would never hurt any of us! Please, Armin, understand! You always said you do, while you never really did. You don't know what's it like, hating yourself for being born this way. I didn't /choose / this! " he felt the hand in his shaking.   
"L-let go of m-me.." The voice was shaky, broken. It tore his heart apart. He let go. He let him go.   
While Armin was running away, Jean fell to his knees, his head in his hands as tears spilt down his face. "Please don't leave me all alone..."  
***  
He couldn't sleep that night. Whatever he did, that shaking frame and that broken voice and those eyes filled with fear came back to him. Armin was too important. He won't bug him anymore. Once back in his room, Jean just stared at the ceiling. He hoped Armin won't tell anyone. But not as much as he would use to. It didn't matter anymore. Nothing mattered anymore. He was hungry, his stomach hurt. But his heart hurt more, and so he didn't move a muscle. His eyes were open, an occasional tear spilling out, but he didn't see anything. Just Armin running away from him.   
He didn't even notice when the sun started rising. There were muffled sounds of soldiers getting up and getting ready for the day outside. He can't stay like this forever, and he knew it. To pretend nothing happened? Jean knew more than well that he couldn't do that. He'll just go, prepared for anything. He changed, going to put his jacket on when he heard a faint, hesitant knock on his door. After taking a deep breath, the brunette went to answer it.  
Armin looked as if he spent the night awake as well. His hair wasn't as tidy as usual, and he did one of the buttons on his shirt wrong. His eyes had faint black circles under them, but they were filled with determination.   
Jean was more than surprised to see him here.  
After a good twenty seconds of just looking up at Jean, Armin spoke.  
"You're really a ghoul? It wasn't a prank..?"  
"I'm really a ghoul." Golden eyes flashed red for a millisecond to prove it.   
"And you meant everything you said? Before the confession? And that you wouldn't eat any of us?"  
"I did."  
Then he stunned Jean because after that Armin /laughed/.  
"So you're really a ghoul? That's gonna take some getting used to." He was scratching the back of his head with his little fingers.   
Jean let out an incredibly intelligent sound in the general region of "ha?".  
"Like you said. We're a team. A team is all about trusting eachother. I trust you. Of course, I'm not thrilled that you have to kill to survive, but I'll live in denial if it means keeping you around."   
Then Armin's arms were around him and again everything was good in world.  
"You're still you on the inside." Jean hears a low whisper against his chest. He buried his head in Armin's neck, nuzzling it gently as he hugs back. He sensed the blonde's faint pulse, and planted a little kiss where he felt it. Jean's gonna make sure that heart keeps beating. Always.

***

It's been ten years since that morning.  
Jean flew trough the winter night with his gear, feeling free, and wonderfully /full/. With a loud thud, he landed on the main house of the survey corps headquarters' roof. Another man was on the roof, his back pressed against the wall, one leg brought up to his chest while the other hung off of the building. Blonde hair was pulled back in a half-ponytail, his gaze lowered to the book in his lap.  
How Armin could read in the dark, Jean had no idea.   
Once the strategist spot him, he dropped his book and stood up. He stood much taller now, having grown out of his awkward phase.   
"Had a good meal?" Armin's voice was bitter, slightly teasing, but not judgemental. Never judgmental.   
"You know it." Jean's tongue ran over his lips. Then he took a sudden step in, grabbing Armin around the waist, causing the blonde to take a step back, and pressed their lips together. A second, five, a minute, his head spun like it always did. Then Armin pulled back.  
"Please don't tell me that's human blood I'm tasting."  
"That's not human blood you're tasting."  
"Every time!"  
"It's delicious, isn't it?"  
"You're disgusting."  
And they went home. Because sometimes even the bad guys get the happy ending. Except for the Titans that might kill them any second, that is.


End file.
